No Decision

So today Mr H and I head to the hospital to see a consultant, supposedly with our decision about whether I will trying a VBAC or having an elective section with Baby Boy. This decision has been weighing heavily on my mind for a few months now and I have really struggled making it. On one hand, an elective section means I will know the outcome of my labour and don't have the worry of an emergency section like last time. But on the other hand a VBAC would mean a faster recovery and I can be there for Little H and Baby Boy a lot sooner.

So we arrived at the hospital this morning still undecided. In my mind I felt we would probably walk out having opted for a VBAC with a section as an option if I went too far over. An induction is out of the question, one forty hour labour was enough for me. I had mentally prepared myself to make a decision, with the help and advice of the doctor.

An hour later I walked out deflated and with no decision made. The doctor went through all the pros of the VBAC, the stats and information about the procedure, which I already knew, and as I hadn't decided he recommended we come back in two weeks with a decision.

As I drove home I felt a bit let down. I had psyched myself up to making a decision and walking out knowing what my plan would be, although I still walked in there a bag of nerves. I walked out with no sense of finality or closure on my decision, and still a bag of nerves! I realise this is a decision I need to make myself, but I was hoping for a little more advice or guidance from the doctor, rather than just facts and figures. I can't really blame the doctor, at least he wasn't pushy which I've heard is often the case, but I wanted...more.

So here we are, no further along. No more sure of what the outcome will be. No decision made.


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