The One Where I'm A Model: With VO5 & CBias

Yesterday I took the chance whilst H was at nursery for Baby J to have some mummy and me time. As a real treat (not) I took him for a day of shopping! I also decided to collect my VO5 products for a recent Collective Bias™ Social Fabric® Community I am undertaking.

Fairies, Frolics and Family: Our Holiday in Derbyshire

We have spent the last week in the magical world of Derbyshire. We have searched out the Gruffalo, held guinea pigs, explored an old train line, found a fairy door, popped bubbles, said hello to a squirrel and laughed. A lot.

We decided after a difficult holiday abroad last year that we would remain in England. There are many beautiful places to explore in our own country and although you can't rely on the weather, I want our children to know our heritage and be proud of it.

Home Shopping at Homesense Manchester

Today we visited our local Homesense store for a tour around and a browse at the lovely things on offer. I've not visited a Homesense before so it was nice to go and have a look around, plus it was an excuse to buy some more things for our already over-stuffed house!

The Last of the Baby Days - A First Birthday

As I write my baby boy is toddling around the house. He took his first steps only ten days ago but with every day he gains confidence. He is a toddler.

Messy Play For Matilda Mae

As we are currently away on a little break I have not had time to write this week's messy play post, however I wanted to put together a little one to share the fun we had. Ths week's theme set by Edspire was Pink & Purple.

I put together our water table and froze some pink & purple ice cubes with some little peaks inside. I added these to the water and gave them children some cups, spoons and a sieve for fishing and off they went.

They are quite familiar with water play now, in fact it's all I can do to stop Baby J jumping in before it's all set up! Although it did also see him standing on his own for a few seconds - a proud mummy moment!

I added some pink & purple food colouring to some shaving foam and gave them paintbrushes, just to add another element to the play. Here are a few photos from our fun.

The Last Few Months

The last few months have been challenging to say the least. We moved house in November, Little H turned two in December, Christmas, New Year and Baby J's Christening in February.

But by far the hardest months have been the last three - my dad noticing his raised lymph nodes, waiting weeks for a diagnosis, and finally told two weeks ago was stage 4 skin cancer.

In the meantime I have been finding things harder and harder. All of the above on top of managing two young children eighteen months apart. Children who do not know boundaries, do not know how to share, how to play, how to be 'good' and 'nice'. It has been frustrating to constantly say over and over and OVER 'put that down' 'give it back' 'stop doing that'. I know it's all part and parcel of being a parent, but when you are trying to manage two babies behaviour it is relentless. By the end of every day I am completely drained with nothing left in me.

All this had led to me being diagnosed with depression, starting anti-depressants and the beginning of counselling. This isn't the first time I have had depression, but this time it is different. If I get into a really bad place it doesn't just affect me, it affects my two little ones and I don't want that. Instead I've found myself cutting off from those emotions and often feeling like I'm just waiting. Waiting for a change. Waiting for a happiness. Even waiting for those tears that would normally fall so easily.

I am fearful that I will look back in a few years and have missed my babies growing up. I am so tired it is all I can do to get us dressed and fed most days, let alone trying to split myself into two continuously trying to play, settle disputes and educate them the way I hope to.

I guess there isn't much point to this post apart from to record how I feel at the moment, and maybe look back in a few weeks or months so I can see how I've progressed. I just hope most of all that this time does not have a negative effect on my children.

A Mile in Memory

Yesterday had been a few months in the making. We had planed, visited, sourced, tweeted, packaged and hoped that the day would be all it should. And it was.

Yesterday we walked a mile in memory. Memory of Matilda Mae, a beautiful nine month baby who tragically passed away three months ago to SID's.

Yesterday we donned our raincoats and wellies, brought our families together and met up as friends, to remember and to walk.

Yesterday we blew bubble kisses up to the sky.

Yesterday we remembered.

We are raising funds for The Lullaby Trust, previously FSID's, in memory of Matilda Mae. Please take a few minutes of your day to donate, or simply just text MMLT79 £1 to 70070.

The Matilda Mae Auction is now live - there are already some amazing things to be won and more prizes will be added every day!

Matilda Mae Memorial Auction
I'd like to make special mention to Susanne at Ghostwritermummy who has worked tirelessy for many hours to bring all this together. It was beautiful.

Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall

Dino Land

Over the bank holiday we took the opportunity to include Mr H in some messy play. A while ago I bought some rubber dinosaurs and have been meaning to give some small world play a try. So I brought in the Tuff Spot and set it all up.

Fallen Logs

Today we had a lovely time just enjoying the outdoors. We visited our local National Trust property, Dunham Massey and armed with a blanket and a few nibbles we set out.

H loved the freedom of being able to roam where she wanted and we saw lots of lovely nature as we ambled along, including ducks and deer.

There were lots of fallen logs that had been left in inviting piles so of course we had to have a little play amongst them - even Pops couldn't resist a climb!

We enjoyed our little picnic in the woods and Baby J enjoyed some buggy-free time. I am looking forward to the next few months when he begins to walk as he hates being strapped in and I can sense how much he would love to be running alongside his sister.

The sun only popped out behind the clouds for a minute here and there but it was relatively warm and it was great just to get outside.

Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall

A Messy Cake Smash for Matilda

On May 2nd Matilda Mae should have turned one year old. Instead her heartbroken parents wish her farewell and sent her ashes out to sea in a little balsa wood boat.

This week's messy play post was inspired by this little girl. The day before my mum helped me bake some buns and buttercream (I am such a tragic baker that I can't even makes cupcakes) and I bought some pink frosting, marshmellows and star sprinkles.

Happy Birthday Little Star

Today a beautiful little girl should be turning one. She should be celebrating an amazing year. Her family should be having a party, buying balloons and eating cake. Instead her family will be saying goodbye as her ashes as sent out to sea. It is a terrible tragedy; it is so unfair.

Today I would like to send all my love to Jennie and her family. We will be remembering Baby Tilda today and I will be holding my babies tightly.

Sometimes life is far too short.

Happy Birthday Baby Tilda, you have inspired us in so many ways.

On 11th May until 20th May an auction to remember Matilda Mae's will be held. All funds raised will go to The Lullaby Trust in Matilda's name and there have been some amazing prizes donated. Head over to Edspire and Ghostwritermummy for more information.

Review: Polarn O. Pyret

I am always on the look out for new brands to try out so when I heard about Polarn O. Pyret I was excited to give them a try. We were sent a lovely red cardigan and matching leggings for Little H and Baby J received a polo T-shirt.


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