Time

So today was my third appointment at the ME clinic to learn about relaxation techniques to help deal with the tiredness. I have to admit that I haven't really been practicing the techniques at home much, I find that often the day just slips away and before I know it it's bedtime and I'm too tired.

We talked a little about how things have been going and I ended up in tears. I am so angry and frustrated and completely fed up with how things are at the moment.

Last week we had a really good week seeing friends, having a few too many to drink and leaving our worries at home. Unfortunately it seems that has caught up with me big time this week and I have been completely drained. I find it so frustrating that I can't even enjoy my life any more as I pay for it afterwards and it just doesn't seem worth it.

Things have been pretty bad at home lately, I am finding the whole situation completely overwhelming and I just want to crawl into bed and hide away from it all. Or run away. Mr H is having a hard time picking up my slack, managing the children and their tantrums as well as me and my lows. I really do not know at this minute how we are getting through it.

My mum is incredible - she comes and stays most weeks and whilst she is here she cleans, she tidies, she vacs, she dusts and she watches the children whilst I sleep. All that whilst she has my dad at home who is really ill, I am so hugely grateful and yet feel so guilty at the same time. And I hate that this is the way I spend my time with her at the moment - gone are the days out, trips to the park or playing out the garden.

Everybody keeps telling me it will get better, one step at a time, these things can't be rushed. But if you lived in my head you would understand all that does is make me want to cry more.

Time. One day I will look back and wish I had these years with the children back. I think that makes me cry more than anything else.

They are not babies for long...

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