This lack of confidence is most prominent whilst on holiday. As a young adult I was always a bikini girl and was proud to show my figure off. Now it is a very different story and for the last few years I have firmly invested in swimming costumes and tankinis. And I hate them. I hate feeling I've got to hide myself away and I hate that my tummy doesn't get any sun!
However this year whilst I was on holiday I felt different. I wouldn't say there's been a switch, I'm certainly still body conscious, but I didn't wear a costume once and often found myself pulling up my tankini thinking it 'sod it'. I saw women of so many shapes and sizes who put themselves out there and figured why couldn't I do the same. Of course I don't know what is going on in other people's minds and we all have our insecurities, but at the end of the day is anyone going to think back to me flashing my stomach and be bothered by it?
So, like some other areas of my life, I'm now endeavouring to stop comparing myself to others and just do for me. I'm sure it will take practice and insecurities certainly don't go away over night, and it won't stop me wanting to return to my healthier shape once I'm better, but for the immediate future I want to feel happier and more comfortable as myself. Having children also makes me more determine to reflect a positive self image to them and not stand in front of the mirror pointing out all my flaws, as I would be mortified to see either of the children doing the same. In their eyes I am perfect and I am resolved to try and see myself more this way too.